Full name: Rufus Ethelred.

Age: 12.

A sensible lad able to take things in his stride. Slightly cynical and fatalistic. Not unduly impressed or influenced by anything in particular. Has a dry sense of humour. Also has pretensions to being an intellectual. Quite brave.

Reluctant owner of Dworkin the fattest dog in Dullwich City. He had requested a pet for a companion for many years but his parents refused as they frowned on that sort of thing (the oppression of other species and all that). One Christmas he received Dworkin as gift from an eccentric Aunt whose own bitch had an unwanted litter. He was overjoyed with the little puppy but had no idea how large Dworkin would grow. His happiness has since turned to a profound sense of disappointment. He feels that he should have been warned about the overbearing responsibility of being feeder, exerciser and guardian for a useless dumb animal. Also feels that Dworkin cramps his style.

First met Wiggs at nursery school where he had raised the alarm when Wiggs managed to trap his head in the school’s pet hamster cage. They have remained loyal friends ever since. Lives within walking distance of Wiggs house.

Likes: Maps, Shiny Man (secretly), Teen Mags (won’t admit it), computer games.

Dislikes: TV Ads, Shiny Man (publicly).